From Gregory of Nazianzus, Bishop of Constantinople, A.D. 389

Will you think less of him . . .
because to seek for what had wandered,
the good Shepherd who lays down his life for the sheep
came on the mountains and hills
on which you used to sacrifice
and found the wanderer?

And having found it,
he took it upon his shoulders,
on which he also bore the wood.

And having borne the wandering sheep,
he brought it back to the life above.

And having brought it back,
he numbered it among those who have never strayed.

i usually try to be coherent in my posts, but if i was it wouldn’t be reflective of my current state (whatever that is).

Come and see
I swear by now I’m playing time against my troubles
I’m coming slow but speeding…
Do you wish for a dance and while I’m in the front
My play on time is won
Oh, but the difficulty is coming here…

-#41, DMB

Strange evolution, how people have come to believe
That we are it’s greatest achievement
When really we’re just a collection of cells
Overrating themselves…

-Eh Hee, Dave Matthews

Aren’t we all to you just lost causes? 
Are we all to you lost?

-Fin, Anberlin

i’m slowly (or maybe not so slowly) coming to the realization that i can’t even understand the orientation and disposition of own heart. what do i desire? where do my affections lie? what to do with ambiguous feelings? the overall sentiment of the song the modern march by run kid run well captures where i am right now. i really am too tired of running, but i’m trying to call on you now. 

I am too tired of running
Would you still take me though I keep falling
To hear you say I have been waiting
And to know your love it is never ending

I long to see you again
Holy Spirit please come back in

I could never walk alone
All this time I never gave to you
You’re all I have you’re all I know
And I am calling on you now

I give you my life won’t you take me
For I was nothing before you found me
I will use my voice to sing out
With all that I am, with all that I have

How many times will I deny you
Still your love won’t let me go

…I’m calling on you now…

Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop:but a good word maketh it glad. -Proverbs 12:25

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.
-Psalm 130:1-6

One of the first passages I encountered when I came to faith (i.e. only three years ago haha) was Hebrews 11. Time and again I try to process the gravitas of the phrase “conviction of things not seen.” Sadly, I can’t say that this conviction is very strong for me. With the old self ever obstinate about reigning over my heart, I can’t help but try to make the unseen things seen. I want to SEE my future, I want to SEE my career path, I want to SEE everything the Lord has in store for me–NOW. 

My old self wants everything to be *this* way, at *this* time, with *this* or *that* person. 

But then again, I don’t think this would work, since He knows that I might rely on Him less if He provided all these things that I wanted according to my will. Sir Clive Staples speaks wisdom into all of this: “If you think of this world as a place intended simply for our happiness, you find it quite intolerable: think of it as a place of training and correction and it’s not so bad.”

I stand corrected.